Matt and I broke up ... after 7.5 years together...it was the right thing to do but it doesn't make it any easier. Its hard, breaking up is hard. You don't realize the kind of routines that you form until you are forced to break them. Little things, daily things they just stop. It's a bizarre feeling...
In the first two days my emotions were running high. Everything that I looked at and talked about reminded me of him somehow. Television commercials, what I was eating, where I was sitting, everything had been "touched" by Matt at some point or another. And after crying every last tear in me, I felt good knowing that we had made the right decision. I was able to breathe once I got back to the city. I was happy again, going back to my regular Toronto life, they didn't involve Matt much so, it was easy to put him out of my head most of the time. I didn't feel much like going to work but it kept me occupied and that would be 8hrs a day where I wasn't thinking about my emotional issues...
Two days into the week, I lost my job. Yep, work was doing cut backs and it was a "last one in, first one out" situation. I was at my 90th day of my 90 day probation period. Britt had emailed to say "Happy 3 months Lu". For whatever reason my response was "lets just see if I make it through today". I was joking of course, not seeing why I would be going anywhere. I had been performing to the best of my ability and had been told several times that I was catching on quickly. We even went out for a team lunch the day before and surely they wouldn't have brought be along to be let go the following day. I was certain in my position and my performance. Little did I know that other's in the company had a new fate for me all together. My phone rang, which it rarely does, and the display said Boardroom 4. I answered and the HR Manager was on the other end, and asked if I could meet with her and a Principal at the company right away. My heart sank...there would be no good reason why this would be happening. Only bad...and sure enough my position was terminated due to cutbacks in the company. They reassured me it was not due to my performance, and it was not personal. There would be several cutbacks made that day and I was the first of many to be informed. That wasn't reassuring in the least. It was only 2 weeks prior that I had filled out a form stating how I thought things were going and I was reassured at that moment by the very same HR Manager that if my review was going to be "bad news" I would have been informed by now...I guess she spoke too soon.
I'm trying to get a plan together. A five year plan which will put me at 30, which is scary. Britt and I are working on somethings and figuring out where we will relocate. Somewhere warm and sunny I hope...
As I was hustling down the street today, in the rain and without an umbrella, some random individual called me fat. I'm feeling very confused. Why would an individual be so cruel to a complete stranger? I have worked hard my entire life to be nice to people. I feel like "you get what you give". And at this point I'm not so sure that statement is true. I also believe that "everything happens for a reason" so what could possibly be the reason for me and this man to cross paths at that exact moment for him to insult me, embarass me, and make me feel absolutely terrible. What might the reason be? Is this another test of character, because I'm dealing with enough s**t to be testing that. Still I just can't fathom why someone would be so mean to me, when he doesn't even know me. Its uncalled for and rude. And I hope that I can soon forget the feeling that I have right now as I type this, and the way he has turned an absolutely great day into a terrible, sad and emotional day.
On that note, he has highly motivated me to hit the gym tonight.
