Quality Me Time

I had an amazing weekend. Just some good old quality me time.
I only left the house to go to the gym and back.
I feel so accomplished and got a bunch of items on my to-do list checked off with a lot of R&R in between.
That is what weekends are all about, finally feel refreshed and ready for the next few very busy weeks of my life.
There is just so much to look forward to!

Finally seeing the Hunger Games with Bee, hanging out with Miss Mia, Mothers Day celebration at my house, visiting my very bestie in Vancouver for the long weekend, cottaging with my EM crew, Grams is coming to visit from Florida, Father's day weekend, Joshua Radin concert, Boston with Hails MacD

Doesn't look so promising for time with myself, although I am super excited.
But you can understand why this weekend was so sacred to me.

xo

ME ME ME

Friendship can be instinctive

Recently I have been given a very sound piece of advice from a friend that I trust and who's opinion I value very much. She said " You need to trust your instincts more". I have extremely good intuition. My "gut feeling" is right most of the time. And by most I mean 95% of the time in situations I can assume correctly how things will pan out, what people's intentions are and make an accurate opinion of ones character.

Lately I have found myself saying "it's difficult to make adult friends". It's true, for the most part, it becomes difficult as you get older to make good solid and lasting friendships. It seems that most of those are made in the "early days". After reflecting on this I have found many opportune moments to reflect on the unbelievable group of friends that I have collected for myself. Each friend I value for different reasons, and I value each for multiple reasons.

My high school crew and I have a long history together. Making lots of memories, sharing many life experiences and sharing in personal growth. We have been through some of life's most testing times. We saw each other through the struggle of finally becoming who we are as adults. Encouraging each other, testing each other and most importantly loving each other for who we really are. These are some of my favorite people in the world. I wouldn't give them up or trade our memories for anything. Thank you for being by my side through the long road that has brought us here. I will always be here for you, forever and always. xo

High school set the foundation for me to begin growing into myself. I had the love and support of friends and family and that allowed me to further explore and dream about what I really wanted out of life. I began to change. I met people in University and College that motivated me. They encouraged me to do better, and inspired me to be better. I was impressionable. I was searching for myself and these girls allowed me to understand the type of person I want to be through bits of themselves. They were driven, never settling, and always striving for the best. I can be my complete open and honest self with you. I couldn't imagine a more thoughtful, compassionate and loving group of people. I love you all for different reasons. But I do truly love you all. Thank you for being a part of my life. You are amazing souls who deserve no less than the best out of life. The memories we have made are some of the best in my entire life. We have years of memory making ahead and I cannot wait for it. xo

Work friends have proven harder to make. Now that I am all grown up working a grown up job in a grown up office. It seems that at this point in my life everyone I meet or know has a set group of friends that the have regular plans with on a regular basis. Work friends are just that. They seem to stay in the work place and never leave the confinement of the office, or at least office hours. I have a lot of superficial relationships within those walls. I can make small talk with just about anyone and although I try to avoid those meaningless conversations it seem to be what the majority of relationships at work amount to. I have had several jobs and as jobs come and go so do your work friends. But I have found a real gem since starting at PwC. A lady that I can say and do anything in front of and she is there to laugh with me about it, give strong advice when needed, and often times contribute a similar story. I value this friendship probably more than she knows. Our conversations are meaningful and thought provoking. No topic is off limits and we share a kind of closeness that only comes from true friendship. We did meet at work, but I like to think that our friendship extends far beyond the structure that is our Firm. Never a dull moment, our conversations fluidly move from one topic to the next and she always has interesting perspective or a wealth of knowledge to contribute. You know who you are Lady. Thank you for being my friend. You are a genuine person. I value your opinions. I value your honesty. You are refreshing. Cheers to many more wine & dinner dates. xo

I firmly believe that a persons group of friends is a reflection of themselves. The type of friends you have say a lot about who you are as a person. At this stage in the game it's true that I can tell when a lasting friendship has presented itself. I am so thankful for all of you. Each one of you makes me a better person, even for just having known you.

Promises are meant to be kept

It's been a long time since I last bothered to post.
I am making a promise to myself that I will begin to use my blog again, as an outlet for my thoughts and experiences.

It was actually shocking to me when I mentioned to several friends that I had given up blogging, how many of them were actually reading what I was writing. I was under the assumption that I was just exhausting my own feelings and thoughts to no one but myself. Apparently I was wrong.

As everyone in my life knows I have been through a lot in the last year. I moved from Niagara, where I was born and raised, to Toronto. I courageously ended a 7.5 year relationship with someone that I discovered long ago was not the right person for me. I lost my job, and through determination to persevere in the city I found myself a new one only 2 short months later. I had an unexpected makeover that I have learned to embrace (or maybe it's more accurate to say I'm still learning to embrace). I have to admit that 2011 challenged me like no year prior. My character has been tested repeatedly. And I have discovered that I am strong.

I have spent the last 12 months soul searching. Digging deep down and figuring out who I am as an individual. Understanding what I'm passionate about, what lights my fire. Spending quality me time has allowed me to be free. Do what I want, when I want to do it.

I always thought I was happy then, and truth be told, I was. But I can honestly tell you that I am far happier now. Getting to know me, as an adult, has been very interesting. I have a plan now, a rough idea of how I want to better myself, the type of person that I want to be. A rough plan of the life I want, and what I want to get out of that life.

So here I go!

xo
-Lu

A little bit stronger

I think it is safe to say I have never had my heart broken before.
Recently it has been broken when my relationship ended before I was ready. Although I have known for a long time that I was unhappy and that I couldn't be happy going forward in that relationship "forever" if things were going to stay the same, I still wasn't ready to let it all go just yet.

Human emotion is a bizarre concept. And when your emotions stop coinciding with what your head is telling you things can get pretty confusing. Like I said, I was unhappy in my relationship for a long time now, and I had been figuring out a way to end things without breaking his heart. The difference between guys and girls is he didn't care about breaking mine...

For the last two months nothing has made sense to me I have never felt so confused. The only parts of our relationshipI could remember were the good things. None of those reasons and feelings I had previously seemed to be there anymore. All I could feel was sad, and I didn't feel like me. My emotions were taking over and I was causing myself so much confusion that wasn't necessary. My heart and my head weren't on the same page, and it was making it very difficult to see the good in what had happened.

It has been two months and I feel confident when saying that I have reached the last stages of the "grieving" process. It has been a seemingly long road. Two months has never passed slower for me.

It started with denial and isolation; I just couldn't come to terms with the shocking reality of it being over in the blink of an eye. All the time we had spent together, all the memories we had made and all the energy that I had put forward and it was just over, naturally to follow was anger; the pain started to re-emerge and to keep it at bay I became angry. Angry at  him, angry at me and angry at the world, until I started to feel desparate and began bargaining making deals with anyone up above that might be listening. Considering whether I should pack up my life and return to the life that I had been settling for in order to get things back to the way they were. After I realized there was nothing I could do, it appeared that he was doing fine and moving on I began the stage of depression; crying all the time, just feeling sad and empty. I was a mess and feeling like someone else. I have never been so sad in my entire life. I've never felt pain like that before. And suddenly I woke up about a week ago and I had made it. I made it through all four stages of terrible suffering and emotional chaos and here I am now I have come to the acceptance stage and it feels good. Since he's been gone I feel like I can breath for the first time. I'm ready to move on from the sadness and be me. I am a strong, resilient, and indpendent woman. On the inside there's something you can't crush,  I might get down but I won't stay down long because I am way too strong.

What it all comes down to is needing a Man, not a boy who can't handle life, or has their priorities backwards. When life got tough he chose flight over fight, and it wasn't the first time. And I can bet that he will choose flight in the future every single time. It doesn't mean he is a bad person, it just makes him not the person for me. I believe that sometimes you have to fight for what you want. Life isn't always easy and sometimes it throws you curve balls. You just have to be ready for them and stick together. That's what love is really about. And actions speak louder than words.

I'm done hoping that we can work it out. I'm done with how I feel's spinning my wheels and letting you drag my heart around. I'm done thinking that you could ever change. I know my heart will never be the same but I've told myself I will be okay. Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger.

Fight or Flight

Life gets hard...

Matt and I broke up ... after 7.5 years together...it was the right thing to do but it doesn't make it any easier. Its hard, breaking up is hard. You don't realize the kind of routines that you form until you are forced to break them. Little things, daily things they just stop. It's a bizarre feeling...

In the first two days my emotions were running high. Everything that I looked at and talked about reminded me of him somehow. Television commercials, what I was eating, where I was sitting, everything had been "touched" by Matt at some point or another. And after crying every last tear in me, I felt good knowing that we had made the right decision. I was able to breathe once I got back to the city. I was happy again, going back to my regular Toronto life, they didn't involve Matt much so, it was easy to put him out of my head most of the time. I didn't feel much like going to work but it kept me occupied and that would be 8hrs a day where I wasn't thinking about my emotional issues...

Two days into the week, I lost my job. Yep, work was doing cut backs and it was a "last one in, first one out" situation. I was at my 90th day of my 90 day probation period. Britt had emailed to say "Happy 3 months Lu". For whatever reason my response was "lets just see if I make it through today". I was joking of course, not seeing why I would be going anywhere. I had been performing to the best of my ability and had been told several times that I was catching on quickly. We even went out for a team lunch the day before and surely they wouldn't have brought be along to be let go the following day. I was certain in my position and my performance. Little did I know that other's in the company had a new fate for me all together. My phone rang, which it rarely does, and the display said Boardroom 4. I answered and the HR Manager was on the other end, and asked if I could meet with her and a Principal at the company right away. My heart sank...there would be no good reason why this would be happening. Only bad...and sure enough my position was terminated due to cutbacks in the company. They reassured me it was not due to my performance, and it was not personal. There would be several cutbacks made that day and I was the first of many to be informed. That wasn't reassuring in the least. It was only 2 weeks prior that I had filled out a form stating how I thought things were going and I was reassured at that moment by the very same HR Manager that if my review was going to be "bad news" I would have been informed by now...I guess she spoke too soon.

So needless to say the last few weeks of my City life haven't been the best weeks of my life. I'm dealing with it and getting through things. I'm a tough cookie, and I'm holding it together very well. I have been on the job hunt of course. That is never fun but inevitable in my situation. I have a had a few interviews, so I'm hoping those have gone well enough to land me an excellent position in the city again. I hope that I can find a team that meets the standards that my Interiors team has set, and that's pretty high!

I'm trying to get a plan together. A five year plan which will put me at 30, which is scary. Britt and I are working on somethings and figuring out where we will relocate. Somewhere warm and sunny I hope...

As I was hustling down the street today, in the rain and without an umbrella, some random individual called me fat. I'm feeling very confused. Why would an individual be so cruel to a complete stranger? I have worked hard my entire life to be nice to people. I feel like "you get what you give". And at this point I'm not so sure that statement is true. I also believe that "everything happens for a reason" so what could possibly be the reason for me and this man to cross paths at that exact moment for him to insult me, embarass me, and make me feel absolutely terrible. What might the reason be? Is this another test of character, because I'm dealing with enough s**t to be testing that. Still I just can't fathom why someone would be so mean to me, when he doesn't even know me. Its uncalled for and rude. And I hope that I can soon forget the feeling that I have right now as I type this, and the way he has turned an absolutely great day into a terrible, sad and emotional day.

On that note, he has highly motivated me to hit the gym tonight.

Time for Soul Searching...

Its been quite a while since I've bothered to update this page. I've been in a mood where writing is uninteresting to me, where I feel that I have nothing worth telling/saying and that I definitely don't want to bore the world with nothing.

Since then I have begun to find my way into a happier place. Please do not mistaken me, I'm a legitimately happy individual that has a very positive attitude and bright outlook on life. I had simply begun to feel unfulfilled. I was looking for something more. More than Niagara, more than my job, more than the life that I had become so comfortable with that became too much a routine, comfortable and uneventful.

After determining that a move and change of pace would do the trick I began to search a new job that would take me somewhere that I could be me. Meet new people, take on a challenging career, explore a new environment, and just be.

New York City it was, the heart of Manhattan could not be a better fit. Hustle and Bustle, big city, big career, shopping, dining, and a world of culture. Soon after beginning to apply I was receiving emails back in regards to interviews and opportunities were presenting themselves. After 2 day trips to the city I had landed a job. I real job with a large and well established company with individuals who are hard-working and know what corporate life is all about. I was the Executive Assistant for a self-made millionaire working in the penthouse at 54th and Broadway. Things were looking up...

With 2 weeks of vacation ahead of me I gave very short notice to NorCliff and moved into Holiday mode. First Christmas, then a cruise. Over this very short crunch I had several conversations with Matt in regards to whether or not we would remain a couple with this move. He was sure that we wouldn't, I was sure we could make it work. Knowing that only time would tell. While on our 2 week vacation Bee and I had one too many drinks and began talking. Both of us revealing the truth about our feelings in regards to moving to the big city and what it would mean for both of us. We decided that it was too much, too scary and too far to move in such a short period of time. (once we returned from vacation Jan 8 at Midnight, we had Sunday January 9th to pack our life and I had to be at work Jan 10th).

We decided that it wasn't our time. We needed to rethink our plan. Throwing away hundreds of dollars on plane tickets and condo rentals we took the low road and chickened out. Embarassed and disappointed in our own decision we hit up the job hunting scene again. By now we had both given up our jobs and were far too determined to move forward than to ask for those jobs back.

After 2 months of searching here we are happily living in TO together in a Townhouse style apartment and loving every minute of it. The freedom, the relaxation, a new job, a new city to explore and more than enough to do. We haven't had a free moment to spare.

Definitely a safer move that is proving to be equally as exciting! So happy we played it safe, I hope that Manhattan is in my future, but for now Toronto has become Home Sweet Home.

Sister Sister

There is nothing like a little quality sister time to make you feel good.
I spent an amazing weekend with my little sister; laughing, eating, lounging and doing daily things that for the last 3 months I have been doing solo.

Solo is great, every once in a while you just need some "me" time. But this was so far overdue. We had so much to catch up on, and so many stories to tell each other. I finally feel like I've been brought up to date on a few issues that I didn't feel were appropriate phone conversations.

My SUSHI buddy is back, and I couldn't have been happier, stuffing ourselves full of delicious sushi. I'm pretty sure we were both about 9months along once we were finished, but you can't leave without a Sushi baby in the oven.

I heard some insane stories about the Spaniards she has been living amongst for the last few months. Sad to know there are creepers all over the world and I vow, to never ride the metro in Spain....for fear of pervy  men who scream inappropriate things, you can't understand because you don't speak the language, in your face...but know they are inappropriate by the gasps and faces of the people sitting around you and the perverted things you saw him doing just moments before this very moment. ( I'm sorry you had to experience that alone)

Its weird. I became very used to Bee not being home. I adjusted and did a lot of things on my own that we used to do together. And she slipped right back into life like she never left. The missing piece of my life puzzle, at this point in my life has found her way back home.

Just a fantastic weekend indeed; Tanning, Eating, Talking, Eating, Laughing, Tanning, Eating, Talking, Lounging, Eating, excercising, Eating, shopping, talking, excercising, tanning, Eating...oh my lord just two little sushi babies

A little Inspiration....Get Inspired

The Past is the Past,
The Future a Mystery...
Now is a Gift, that is why we call it the PRESENT

Isn't that just the truth? Its a scary thought but we never know what tomorrow might bring.
I believe it is important to have goals, and to think, plan and dream about the future. But the future is something that we have absolutely no control over. I think that idea scares many many people. But the key is to just embrace it and live in the now, because its a simple fact the future is out of our hands.

The idea is to live in the moment. And that doesn't mean that you have to get inked, try sushi, sky dive and set out on a cruise around the world immediately, even if its on your bucketlist.




To me living in the moment is all about embracing the moment. Cherishing what you have, what you had and the opportunities you have been given. Live up to your greatest potential, strive to be 100% or better and live without regrets. Throughout the past year I have learned not to take people in your life for granted. Because you might wake up one day and realize they have drifted away from you and the relationships you had are not what they once were. Remember to tell the people in your life that matter to you, that they DO matter!

I am a non-believer which I realize is a controversial topic. What I do believe is that each one of us has a plan. I believe that everything happens for a reason and there is no such thing as coincidences. I also believe that WE control our own plan. The choices we make, the steps we take and the motivation that drives us molds the plan. There are only two types of decisions. Good decisions and bad decisions and the choice....is yours.

I am currently preparing a bucketlist. Some of the things on this list are attainable today, and others are attainable in one of my tomorrows. But this might be a great way to get some of your "life's list" items accomplished. I have never been very good at being patient.
So I decided that I am not going to wait for life to present certain opportunities to me.
I'm going to make it happen by following my list.

I am ME, driven, motivated, positive.

Weeks of Insanity

I've never been much of a saver. I have never been in denial about that, mostly because its blatantly obvious and denial would just be foolish. I've always wondered why money couldn't justs grow on trees. It'd make things easier for MANY of us!

Come to think of it I have always found it harder in the summer months to get on a savings plan. Everyone wants to be out, doing things spending money, having drinks, having dinner, shopping and taking road trips and if I'm available I'M IN!

Without a rest I have been having a blast since the long-weekend in July! Weeks of insanity, and money spending of course.

So I decided forget the summer, I will start my personal savings plan in the Fall, when things slow down...yeah right I want to say "who was I kidding" but I really did fool myself!

And the weeks of insanity press on...looks like I will have some downtime in the New Year....can my savings plan wait that long? NOOOOOOOOOOOO it surely cannot!

What is a reasonable amount of money to put away each week or month so that I don't dip into the savings. It all sounds great if I can save $500/pay cheque, but if I'm dipping in for extra cash that its not really savings now is it????
I'm curious to know the types of budgets and plans that other people in my life have in effect. But ya know what the funny thing is...talking about money, incomes and savings plans seems to be a bit "taboo" which I think is OUTRAGEOUS!

HELP A SISTER OUT!

But working through a plan and making it on my own has got me here to where I am today. Just another trial and error as part of the grand course my life has taken. What I can't figure out today, will come to me tomorrow.

One day....I will be a saver, with a savings account that is worth more than $1.34

What It Feels Like For A Girl

Today I had an interesting conversation with Matt. Its Saturday night and we have plans...
I'm getting ready over the course of an entire hour. NOT bad considering some girls that I know or have heard of through the grapevine.

He said " I would hate to be a girl, because its crazy how much time you take to get ready"

My thoughts and response: I love being a girl. Sure we often take excessive amounts of time to make sure that we look "top notch" before we leave the house but all in all we take that much time mostly because its fun.
I thoroughly enjoy primping and experimenting with makeup and my hair as many girls do. This routine that we all have developed, although mine different from Sally and Susie, is not a chore. We choose to do this....because we like it.

Thats just how we do......Right?

I know that I do. But then I started thinking and I guess that's an important question to ask yourself, as a lady. Why do you take "x" amount of time to get yourself prepped. Or do you even take the time?
I know that recently the media has had a large influence on the way women perceive themselves. Learning about the media and analyzing beauty campaigns in my Academic Career was a scary wake up call. The concept that I have always, for a long time, had a hard time grasping was the idea that I should do things because I want to and not because someone else wants me to. And what I have found from learning to accept this as a new way of my life is that the people in my life think that I am beautiful. Getting comfortable, being me, doing my hair and my makeup and dressing the way I want to, I look good and I can feel great.

And of course...the compliments are ego boosting and it makes it easier and more relaxing to be ME. And that's what its all about isn't it?

We should seriously be considering what motivates us to do all of this. The truth of the matter is that people in your life, your friends, family and significant others, will love you no matter what you do, wear, say or think. Thats the reality of unconditional love. So if you don't enjoy it....if putting on your makeup and curling your hair is a dreaded task. SCREW IT

And thats just how I see it.

THANK YOU TO THE EGO-BOOSTERS IN MY LIFE. I LOVE YOU XOXO