This Is Me: Masking it

The past week has been an example of how clothing, fashion and my own personal style can act as a mask.

As many of you already know I lost my furry baby on August 8.

Harley was truly the sweetest, quietest, even-tempered, most beautiful Husky you ever did meet.

After fourteen long years with her being "our girl" we, as a family, had to make the hardest decision I've ever made in my 26 years of life. We put her down.

I think the hardest part for me was I thought I had more time. She was old, yes. But she was in perfect health until the day she wasn't. Which of course is the way it always goes I guess but there were no warning signs that she might develop an auto-immune disease. I feel like she was stolen from me.

We tried everything. My Mom tried everything. She was Harley's primary caretaker in the last few months and she was amazing. Taking her to every single appointment, giving her medication of all kinds, cleaning up after her too, it was not an easy job and it was by no means inexpensive.

My heart is broken. I've never been this sad in my entire life. I have never suffered loss like this. It's amazing how attached you can become to an animal. How they really become part of your family. This would be a hard thing to explain to someone who has never owned a pet. But they really do become part of you. Like an infant they depend on you to take care of them, feed them, show them love and affection, and in turn they show the same love and protection for you too.

I have so many great memories with her.

My favorite being the day she chose us.

It was 1999 and my family had been discussing getting a dog.

We heard of a Husky breeder in Port Colborne, ON and we drove out to see the puppies.

We arrived right around "naptime" and all the puppies were in the yard, some sleeping already and some just about to lay down for a nap. I sat down at the base of a a big old tree and there she was. Trotting over to me like I was already hers, and she got right in to my lap and went to sleep. I knew we had to have her.

I fell in love instantly.

She was adorable and she chose us.

14 years is a long time to make memories.

The vet said 14 dog years is equivalent to 95 human years.

She was a little old lady.

I was back to work the following Monday August 12. All I really wanted to do was sleep my days away and hibernate in my house and not see, or speak to anyone. I didn't want to talk about it. It is still too soon, and the last thing I want is to lose my sh*t in the office.

Cry like a baby and have people stare, not knowing what to do or how to react.

Even though I was falling apart on the inside I made it to work in one polished piece. The best part of looking put together is that those who didn't know of my recent loss had no reason to ask "what's wrong?" or "are you ok?" as they may have if I was looking disheveled.

Sometimes it's the little things that help you move forward each day. When all you want to do is tell everyone to leave you alone and if you could just stay in bed, you would. But that's not reality. The reality is that you have to look for the little things that keep you moving and take things one day at a time. My usual routine did in fact bring distractions. And I was able to focus on more than just my sadness. Thankfully I do have a caring group of people at work and I had a bottle of wine and a card on my desk waiting for me on Monday morning.

My Mask:

Looking more confident than I was feeling I wore a bold blazer with floral print, peep toe flats w/ a flower detailing at the toe and a navy blue dress.

(my actual outfit items: Blazer Forever 21, Dress Asos.com, shoes H&M)

bright colors have a natural tendency to make you feel bright. something I wasn't naturally feeling last week. so the next time you're needing to brighten your mood remember pinks, purples, blues, yellow are all viable options.

(my actual outfit items: Dress H&M Everyday, Blazer H&M Divided Black, Shoes Macy's [Rachel Roy])

Polished and simple; keeping things casual with a green dress and rose gold accessories

(actual outfit items: dress (Forever 21, Shoes Steve Madden, watch Michael Kors, Earrings Forever 21)

This week was chilly and pants seemed to be an appropriate choice for the day. Pairing black dress pants with a colorful top felt less "Wintery" for me. I wore a black blazer and strappy shoes to pull my outfit together.